Gurkhas Can’t Jump

Weirdly Google isn’t giving any returns for it but Ghurkas can’t jump. Not even an inch off the ground. It’s just a fact I picked up somewhere like the stuff I know about Chernobyl. A Ghurka literally can’t have both feet off the floor at the same time, it’s just impossible for them. That’s fine, they’re great at other things – like being in our Army. By ‘ours’ I mean ‘yours’. Jersey hasn’t got an army. We do have policemen though. About 20. An interesting fact about our police is that they can’t swim. They’re like cats. They just flail for a bit then succumb.

Seems odd, I guess, to have police who can’t swim but it’s a similar system to how speed cameras must be clearly signposted and can’t be hidden. The public need to know the limit of police powers.

That’s why Beauport Bay is known locally as Crim’s Wade.

Crowds often gather down there on warm evenings to watch the assorted dealers, pimps and gypsies standing knee deep in the water, ready to either make a dash for it up the beach and through the thin blue line of four or five police officers or, should the po-po charge with their oversized butterfly nets, ready to dive into deeper water and safety. It’s great fun, we cheer for both sides.

I mention this only because the guy who got arrested at our place after buying a lighter actually escaped on the way to the squash court where he was to be tried and he’s now standing out in Crim’s Wade. It’s freezing today and the waves are big so the police don’t reckon he’ll be in there long. He’s currently shouting his statement over the roar of the wind but that’s taking a while because the policeman’s notebook keeps flapping. I’ve been warned to be vigilant. Just in case the unthinkable happens.

“What’s that then, the unthinkable?” I asked the warning woman on the telephone.

“Well, you can’t even think about it, can you?” She replied.

“What, he’s going to come and get me?”

“Stop thinking.”

“Fuck.”

Very helpful.

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