Have a Nice Day

“Es nice day, huh?”

“Oh fuck off, Enrique. Not today.”

“Wha? I just say es nice day.”

“What are you smiling for then?”

“I fuckin’ happy, man, s’all.”

“Fuck off, prick.”

“Nice hot day like today, I happy! Why chu not happy?”

“I am.”

“No, chu not happy. I see your face. So sad.”

“I’m well happy, mate.”

“Chu should be. Es so hot.” Enrique flapped his clipboard at his face.

“It’s not that hot.”

“Ches! Is very hot!”

“It’s not really.”

“Hot day like today. I think today it happen.”

Here we go.

“Actually, dickhead, if you knew anything you’d know that drinking cold things on hot days makes you hotter.” Or something.

“Wha?” laughed Enrique.

“You fucking dummy. On a hot day you should drink a hot drink to cool down.”

“Wha?”

“Seriously. It’s like a fridge. Go and touch the back of a fridge. It’s hot.”

“No way.”

“Way.”

“Bullshit.”

“Telling you.”

“So why chu say we sell dat when it hot?” I didn’t need to look where he was pointing.

“Oh Enrique, poor Enrique. He’s so stu… thick.”

“You say we sell dat when it get hot. You say dat.”

“You say dat! You say dat. You say we sell-a dat when it-a-get-hot! You can’t even speak English. You’re a disaster.”

“So we no sell it when es cold, chu say, and no when es too hot.”

“Sigh!”

“Chu say dat!”

“Okay, you know why we haven’t sold any Slush Puppies?”

“Coz you a dummy.”

“Nope, it’s because you fucking stink mate, you pong. Seriously, you smell of mackerel and people come in and they’re nearly sick.”

“I smell?”

“Yes! Fucking stink. Of fish.”

No!

“You do, go away, urgh, you’re minging.” I pushed Enrique.

“Why chu say I stink?”

“Paula! Get a peg for my nose.” She didn’t hear me. I pinched my nose from above.

“You cr-“

“Bleurgh!” I said, pretending to nearly vomit.

“Why c-“

“Bleurgh!”

“Th-“

“Bleurgh!”

“…”

“Bleurgh!”

“…”

“Bleurgh!”

Enrique walked off shaking his head. He doesn’t really smell bad but one day he had mackerel for lunch and it made the office smell and he’d been really upset when I mentioned it. He smells of aftershave usually. Anyway, fuck him, gonna prove him wrong.

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