I love running. I have different faces I do when running. If I am running along and I see an attractive woman or an ugly man running towards me I try to relax my face and hold my breath so that they think I’m not even trying and that I am impressive. I don’t start gasping for breath until I am well past them and out of earshot.

If I am approaching a fat woman on the Couch-2-5K plan I will huff and puff a little, and make my face look strained, so as to show the woman that running is tough, even for me, and good for her for giving it a go! “Fuck, eh?” I might add when close enough, blowing my hair out of my eyes.

If I am approaching a guy in an electric wheelchair I will, because I am such a nice guy, try to make running look like a terrible thing to do so they will not get jealous of me. I do not want them looking at me thinking, how graceful is that guy! I feel even worse about my disability! So I’ll start flailing my arms around, do jerky leg movements, cross my eyes, stick my tongue behind my lower lip and go, “nnnnggggggh!”

I’m training for the marathon.